tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46652029864895194632024-02-08T05:18:15.562+01:00blaguesCom'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.comBlogger475125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-52313321525994346702015-11-23T14:43:00.000+01:002015-11-23T14:43:44.656+01:00La réponse géniale de la police belge aux internautes qui l'ont aidée sur Twitter<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YHbBDO40e8A/VlMW4g_dUUI/AAAAAAAAbR4/T2uK7J6PmyQ/s1600/poll.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="382" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YHbBDO40e8A/VlMW4g_dUUI/AAAAAAAAbR4/T2uK7J6PmyQ/s400/poll.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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La police qui offre des croquettes pour chats? Il n'y a qu'en Belgique qu'on peut voir ça, mais l'attention n'est pas si farfelue que ça pour ceux qui ont suivi <span style="color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;">la mobilisation des internautes </span>pour venir en aide aux autorités belges ce week-end.<br />
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Alors que des opérations policières ont eu lieu à Bruxelles dimanche 22 novembre dans la soirée, les médias belges avaient pour consigne de ne fournir aucune information détaillée sur les événements pour faciliter le travail des équipes d'intervention. Et sur Twitter, les internautes ont eu l'idée brillante de noyer les quelques informations qui fuitaient sous une avalanche de chatons et lolcats.</div>
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Les remerciements de la police belge ce lundi restent donc dans le thème:</div>
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Ces croquettes devraient remplir l'estomac et le coeur des milliers de chats qui se sont retrouvés sur le hashtag <span class="_5u8n" data-offset-key="6751g-0-0" spellcheck="false" style="background-color: rgba(88, 144, 255, 0.14902); border-bottom-color: rgba(88, 144, 255, 0.298039); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-offset-key="6751g-0-0"><span data-text="true">#BrusselsLockdown</span></span></span><span data-offset-key="6751g-1-0" style="color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span data-text="true"> </span></span>utilisé près de 200.000 fois durant les dernières 24 heures.</div>
<br />Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-18465326574690827052015-11-22T23:06:00.000+01:002015-11-23T03:38:52.861+01:00 les Belges saturent Twitter d'images de... chats <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TG-eiIXi96Y/VlJ31dzJzMI/AAAAAAAAbQo/_ELZMysW5mU/s1600/chat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TG-eiIXi96Y/VlJ31dzJzMI/AAAAAAAAbQo/_ELZMysW5mU/s400/chat.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsi2v-0-0">La police demande de ne plus livrer d'infos sur ses opérations de dimanche soir: les Belges suivent et saturent Twitter d'images de... chats </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="5i34k-0-0">S'il y a quelques jours, les médias français se félicitaient que les humoristes français n'avaient pas baissé les bras après les choquant attentats de Paris et avaient poursuivi leur travail, l'humour et la dérision ne sont pas non plus en berne en Belgique en pleine période de niveau 4 de menace. "Les Belges qui saturent </span><span class="_5u8n" data-offset-key="5i34k-1-0" spellcheck="false" style="background-color: rgba(88, 144, 255, 0.14902); border-bottom-color: rgba(88, 144, 255, 0.298039); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px;"><span data-offset-key="5i34k-1-0"><span data-text="true">#BrusselsLockdown</span></span></span><span data-offset-key="5i34k-2-0"> avec des photos de chats sont donc bien au-delà de leur réputation </span><span class="_5u8n" data-offset-key="5i34k-3-0" spellcheck="false" style="background-color: rgba(88, 144, 255, 0.14902); border-bottom-color: rgba(88, 144, 255, 0.298039); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px;"><span data-offset-key="5i34k-3-0"><span data-text="true">#respect</span></span></span><span data-offset-key="5i34k-4-0"> </span><span class="_5u8n" data-offset-key="5i34k-5-0" spellcheck="false" style="background-color: rgba(88, 144, 255, 0.14902); border-bottom-color: rgba(88, 144, 255, 0.298039); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px;"><span data-offset-key="5i34k-5-0"><span data-text="true">#fan</span></span></span><span data-offset-key="5i34k-6-0"> </span><span class="_5u8n" data-offset-key="5i34k-7-0" spellcheck="false" style="background-color: rgba(88, 144, 255, 0.14902); border-bottom-color: rgba(88, 144, 255, 0.298039); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px;"><span data-offset-key="5i34k-7-0"><span data-text="true">#belgitude</span></span></span><span data-offset-key="5i34k-8-0">", observait dimanche soir Cécile Duflot, ancienne ministre française bien connue pour être une adepte des réseaux sociaux. En pleine opération antiterroriste à Bruxelles dimanche soir (19 perquisitions au total, en savoir plus) et alors que la police avait demandé de ne donner aucune information sur les réseaux sociaux susceptible de renseigner des suspects recherchés sur les mouvements des forces de l'ordre, toutes les informations sur l'opération en cours ont cessé, et soudainement sous le hashtag </span><span class="_5u8n" data-offset-key="5i34k-9-0" spellcheck="false" style="background-color: rgba(88, 144, 255, 0.14902); border-bottom-color: rgba(88, 144, 255, 0.298039); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px;"><span data-offset-key="5i34k-9-0"><span data-text="true">#BrusselsLockdown</span></span></span><span data-offset-key="5i34k-10-0"> (qui signifie littéralement "confiné à Bruxelles") s'est déversé un torrent de photos et vidéos de... chats. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="5i34k-10-0"><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; line-height: 24px; white-space: normal;">Voici quelques exemples ci-dessous.</span></span></div>
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Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-48708918097800721222015-11-22T00:13:00.002+01:002015-11-22T00:13:58.440+01:00Vidéos parodies du logeur de daesh<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://www.facebook.com/rapunchline/videos/10153900128720730/" target="_blank">+ 1 vidéo de Les meilleures Punchlines du Rap Français sur Facebook</a><br />
<br />Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-43036192938704929302015-11-21T22:50:00.000+01:002015-11-22T01:56:25.592+01:00Top 100 des montages sur Jawad, l'hébergeur de Daesh<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7iIvRnwC4lA/VlDkAaCe9GI/AAAAAAAAbCY/Ut4ujxHs_SU/s1600/ss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7iIvRnwC4lA/VlDkAaCe9GI/AAAAAAAAbCY/Ut4ujxHs_SU/s400/ss.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Top 100 des montages sur Jawad, l'hébergeur de Daesh publiés sur<br /><a href="https://www.facebook.com/Grand-d%C3%A9bat-pour-savoir-si-on-peut-vraiment-partir-en-couille-769657666450873/">la page facebook Grand débat pour savoir si on peut partir en couilles</a></h3>
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<br />Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-91224780802948418352015-11-20T09:48:00.001+01:002015-11-20T09:54:28.558+01:00Comines: le bourgmestre bloque ses frontières.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iq6zcFn_FXI/Vk7cilDBtuI/AAAAAAAAbAg/QtVhu67cDc4/s1600/groin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="237" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iq6zcFn_FXI/Vk7cilDBtuI/AAAAAAAAbAg/QtVhu67cDc4/s400/groin.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "freesans" , "helvetica" , "trebuchet ms" , "tahoma" , "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 18.9189px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: magenta;">Le bourgmestre de Comines-Warneton, Gilbert Deleu, a pris jeudi une ordonnance en urgence pour fermer certains points de passage entre son entité et les communes françaises limitrophes, Deulémont notamment, à l’aide de têtes de cochons. L’effectif policier belge de la zone Comines ne permet en effet pas de contrôler en permanence tous les points de passage transfrontaliers.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "freesans" , "helvetica" , "trebuchet ms" , "tahoma" , "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 18.9189px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: magenta;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4d4c45; font-family: "arial" , "freesans" , "helvetica" , "trebuchet ms" , "tahoma" , "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.014px; text-align: justify;">Des têtes de cochons sont installés ce vendredi matin dans l’entité de Comines à certains points de passage entre la France et la Belgique. Le bourgmestre Gilbert Deleu a pris une ordonnance en urgence jeudi matin pour répondre efficacement à la demande des autorités françaises d’assurer des contrôles aux différents points de passage entre sa commune et les communes françaises limitrophes</span></div>
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<br />Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-45047055142732302002015-11-19T14:53:00.000+01:002015-11-21T23:09:52.753+01:00le mec qui hébergeait des terroristes sans le savoir<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17.5636px; text-align: start;"><b><span style="color: purple;">Quand Internet se moque de l'hébergeur des terroristes, il le fait bien.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17.5636px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">les propos du mec qui hébergeait des terroristes sans le savoir </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17.5636px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">ont été détournés sur twitter et compilés en photo-montage</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17.5636px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"> par la page facebook</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17.5636px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/Grand-d%C3%A9bat-pour-savoir-si-on-peut-vraiment-partir-en-couille-769657666450873/">Grand débat pour savoir si on peut vraiment partir en couille </a></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17.5636px; text-align: start;">Avec l'aide de certains de ses lecteurs qui ont envoyé leur propre photo montage</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17.5636px; text-align: start;"> ou leur petite phrase en message privé</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17.5636px; text-align: start;">Faîtes un tour sur la page en cliquant sur le lien ci-dessus</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17.5636px; text-align: start;">Vidéo parodique en fin d'article</span></div>
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<a href="https://www.facebook.com/minutebuzz/videos/10153755109914284/">vidéo parodie de minutebuzz ici</a></div>
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<br />Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-85915770878747271202015-11-09T19:55:00.005+01:002015-11-22T02:06:38.932+01:00Marcel et Jojo<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Deux vieux amis Marcel et Jojo, 90 ans tous les deux, ont été amis toute leur vie. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Jojo est à l'article de la mort et Marcel lui rend visite tous les jours.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Un jour, Marcel lui dit :</span><br />
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- Jojo, toi et moi avons aimé le foot toute notre vie.</div>
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Nous avons joué ensemble chaque Dimanche pendant de nombreuses années. </div>
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Je voudrais que tu me rendes un service quand tu seras au Ciel.</div>
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Débrouille-toi pour me fair<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">e savoir si on joue au foot là-haut.</span></div>
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De son lit de mort, Jojo s'adresse à son ami :</div>
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- Marcel, tu as été mon meilleur ami pendant toutes ces années.</div>
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Je te rendrai ce service si je le peux.</div>
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Quelques instants plus tard, Jojo quitte ce monde.</div>
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Quelques jours plus tard, à minuit, </div>
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Marcel est réveillé dans son sommeil par une lumière blanche aveuglante.</div>
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Une voix lui dit :</div>
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- Marcel ! Marcel !</div>
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- Qui est-ce ? demande Marcel affolé, assis sur son lit.</div>
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- C'est moi Jojo.</div>
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- C'est impossible, Jojo vient de mourir !</div>
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- Je te dis que c'est moi Jojo</div>
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- Jojo ! Mais où es-tu ?</div>
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- Au ciel. J'ai une bonne et une mauvaise nouvelle à t'annoncer.</div>
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- Vas-y, commence par la bonne, demande Marcel.</div>
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- Eh bien, la bonne, c'est qu'on joue bien au foot au Ciel.</div>
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Mieux, tous nos vieux potes qui sont morts avant nous sont ici aussi !</div>
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Encore mieux, on a tous retrouvé notre jeunesse !</div>
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La meilleure de toutes, c'est que c'est toujours le printemps, pas de pluie, pas de neige ! </div>
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Il n'y a pas d'arbitres (on a dû les envoyer ailleurs !) </div>
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Et cerise sur le gâteau, on peut jouer autant qu'on veut, on n'est jamais fatigués !!!</div>
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- C'est fantastique ! répond Marcel. C'est encore mieux que ce que j'avais espéré !</div>
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Mais la mauvaise nouvelle, c'est quoi ?</div>
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- T'es sur la feuille de match samedi !!!</div>
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Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-10497379313976819492015-11-09T19:49:00.005+01:002015-11-22T02:07:01.798+01:00Le délice espagnol<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Toa2Za2X6Zo/VkDqOwxzzNI/AAAAAAAAaq4/gapQpukgvsI/s1600/taureau.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Toa2Za2X6Zo/VkDqOwxzzNI/AAAAAAAAaq4/gapQpukgvsI/s1600/taureau.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Un français visitant l’Espagne s’arrête dans un restaurant de Pampelune. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Tout en sirotant sa sangria, son attention se porte sur une alléchante assiette servie à la table voisine. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Non seulement cela semble savoureux, mais ça dégage aussi un arôme qui tient du divin.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Il s’informe donc auprès du serveur :</span></div>
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– Mais quelle est cette merveille que vous venez de servir ?</div>
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Le garçon de ré<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">pondre :</span><br />
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– Ah Señor, vous avez du nez !</div>
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Ce sont les testicules du taureau du combat de cet après-midi.</div>
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Un plat d’une délicatesse que l’on nomme le Délice Espagnol.</div>
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Le français, un peu médusé :</div>
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– Après tout, je suis en vacances, servez-moi donc ce régal.</div>
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Mais le garçon de répondre :</div>
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– Je regrette Señor, on ne peut servir ce plat qu’une fois par jour car il n’y a qu’un seul combat par après-midi. </div>
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Si vous revenez plus tôt demain et que vous êtes le premier à commander,</div>
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alors nous pourrons vous réserver ce grand délice.</div>
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Le lendemain, le français revient, réserve son menu, et un peu plus tard,</div>
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se fait servir ce seul et unique délice du jour.</div>
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Après avoir humé son assiette,</div>
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examiné la présentation et s’être délecté de quelques petites bouchées,</div>
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il rappelle le garçon et lui dit :</div>
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– Elles sont délicieuses, mais elles sont beaucoup, beaucoup plus petites que celles que je vous ai vu servir hier.</div>
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Le garçon hausse les épaules et dit :</div>
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– Si Señor, mais il arrive parfois que c’est le taureau qui gagne !!!!</div>
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BON APP !!</div>
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Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-72383172569326214592015-11-09T19:43:00.005+01:002015-11-22T02:07:17.385+01:00la prière<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8a2ziX-pxG4/VkDpKd0EWDI/AAAAAAAAaqw/GC3lijJbElA/s1600/prie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8a2ziX-pxG4/VkDpKd0EWDI/AAAAAAAAaqw/GC3lijJbElA/s1600/prie.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Au dîner, le père ordonna à son petit garçon de dire une prière.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Celui-ci répondit : "Mais, Papa, je ne sais pas prier" !</span></div>
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Le père continua : "Prie seulement pour les membres de ta famille, les amis, les voisins, les pauvres".</div>
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Le petit garçon commença :<br />
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"Seigneur</div>
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- je vous remercie pour nos visiteurs et leurs enfants qui ont mangé tous les biscuits et la crème glacée.</div>
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Bénis-les pour qu'ils ne reviennent plus.</div>
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- Pardonne au fils du voisin qui a enlevé tous les vêtements de ma sœur et a lutté avec elle, hier, sur son lit.</div>
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- A Noël, envoie des vêtements à toutes ces pauvres femmes nues que j'ai vues sur le téléphone potable de mon père.</div>
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- Donne une maison à tous ces hommes sans-abri qui utilisent la chambre de mes parents quand papa est au travail.</div>
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Merci Seigneur"!!!!!</div>
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Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-65702416913089626742015-11-09T19:40:00.002+01:002015-11-22T02:07:51.040+01:00Nonne coquine<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> Une jeune nonne fait du stop et monte dans un camion.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> Le chauffeur tente sa chance auprès de la nonne qui parait intéressée par la chose..</span></div>
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Le camion est alors garé sur un parking, et le couple fait son affaire sur la couchette.</div>
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Les galipettes terminées, ils reprennent la route, et arrivant dans un village,</div>
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la nonne demande au routier de s'arrêter car elle veut se confesser<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">. </span><br />
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Revenant au camion au bout d'un quart d'heure, le chauffeur lui demande :</div>
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- Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit au bon Dieu ?</div>
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- Que nous avions fait l'amour deux fois.</div>
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- Mais on ne l'a fait qu'une seule fois !</div>
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Et la nonne lui répond alors :</div>
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- On ne va quand même pas se quitter comme ça...!!!</div>
</span>Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-47072342698103313102015-11-09T19:36:00.006+01:002015-11-22T02:08:10.168+01:00La braguette du curé<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4QXCykBo8CYxu0dYy3n8kEiIZ1oNhiZvZKu1Da9bzvymcMYJJJmyifzbdamdkSQBmxCxftUhQjZ_Z-UYwcpRbVGWPLk6b4sTdhUkQwokeLWvuUiBUGhHmb4UjuyXoBXWBsJEqHIrBMBML/s1600/cur%25C3%25A9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4QXCykBo8CYxu0dYy3n8kEiIZ1oNhiZvZKu1Da9bzvymcMYJJJmyifzbdamdkSQBmxCxftUhQjZ_Z-UYwcpRbVGWPLk6b4sTdhUkQwokeLWvuUiBUGhHmb4UjuyXoBXWBsJEqHIrBMBML/s1600/cur%25C3%25A9.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> La bonne dit à son Curé :</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> - M. le Curé, notre vin de messe est arrivé !</span></div>
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Le Curé répond :<br />
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- Marie, ce n'est pas NOTRE vin de messe puisque tu n'as pas le droit d'en boire, </div>
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Tu dois donc dire VOTRE vin de messe.</div>
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Compris ?</div>
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Le lendemain Marie dit à son Curé :</div>
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- M. le Curé votre bois de chauffage est arrivé !</div>
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Le Curé dit :</div>
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- Marie, tu dois dire NOTRE bois de chauffage puisque nous nous en servons tous les deux ! </div>
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As-tu compris cette fois ?</div>
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- Oui, dit Marie.</div>
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- Est-ce tout pour aujourd'hui Marie ?</div>
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Non ! répond la bonne. Mr le Curé, VOTRE braguette est ouverte, et NOTRE pénis est sorti !</div>
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Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-80670839562642906672015-11-09T19:32:00.001+01:002015-11-22T02:08:34.478+01:00 Les clés du Paradis<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> Trois jeunes filles meurent et se retrouvent aux Portes du Paradis.</span></div>
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Saint Pierre les accueille comme il se doit, et demande aux filles:</div>
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- Avant que je ne vous laisse entrer,</div>
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vous devez répondre à une petite question concernant votre moralité sur terre.<br />
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Et s'adressant à la première, il demande:</div>
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- Avez-vous mené une vie de bonne moralité ?</div>
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- Oh oui : J'étais vierge avant de me marier, et je n'ai jamais trompé mon mari, c'est vous dire !</div>
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- Très bien. Gabriel, tu donneras à cette jeune fille la clé en or !</div>
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Puis s'adressant a la deuxième jeune fille:</div>
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- Et vous, avez-vous mené une vie de bonne moralité ?</div>
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- Oui Saint Pierre, moi aussi j'étais encore vierge avant de me marier,</div>
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mais j'ai trompé mon mari une fois depuis.</div>
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- Très bien. Gabriel, tu donneras à cette jeune fille la clé d'argent ! </div>
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Enfin s'adressant à la troisième jeune fille:</div>
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- Et vous ?</div>
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- Oh moi, franchement Saint Pierre, on ne peut pas dire que j'ai été très 'morale'. </div>
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J'ai couché avec les garçons alors que je n'étais encore qu'une gamine. </div>
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Souvent même, on était plus de deux, et il y avait parfois des filles aussi. </div>
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Et puis ça a continue une fois que je me suis mariée.</div>
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Mais le pire, c'est que je n'ai aucun remords…</div>
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- Très bien. Gabriel, tu donneras à cette jeune fille la clé...</div>
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de ma chambre!!!</div>
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Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-11989352089008418162015-11-09T19:25:00.000+01:002015-11-22T02:08:57.427+01:00 la constipation de la mère supérieure<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Xca6sZI-5kL4rZC03gPkX5gGvqO8o777MJ-lC7SQKq3fRk42DwOjiC0lGBWB6Lv24Kf8svK0GgZLgCnx2GhtBzwF9JEWtCYhbwab8mdBHhSe0ur6AEcVBpgr7gGDEn6ZqKrh3mfRxLb-/s1600/bs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Xca6sZI-5kL4rZC03gPkX5gGvqO8o777MJ-lC7SQKq3fRk42DwOjiC0lGBWB6Lv24Kf8svK0GgZLgCnx2GhtBzwF9JEWtCYhbwab8mdBHhSe0ur6AEcVBpgr7gGDEn6ZqKrh3mfRxLb-/s1600/bs.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px;">C'est une religieuse qui rentre dans un magasin d'alimentation.</span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px;"></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="line-height: 19.32px;"> Elle achète une énorme bouteille de porto et dit à la caissière:</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px;">
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;"> - J'achète cette bouteille pour soigner la constipation de la Mère Supérieure.</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;">Une heure plus tard, alors qu'elle vient de sortir du magasin,</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;"> elle croise la religieuse dans la rue, assise sur un banc, avec la bouteille vide à côté d'elle.</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;"> La religieuse a l'air aussi bourrée que le métro aux heures de poi</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; line-height: 19.32px;">nte.</span></div>
</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #141823; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="line-height: 19.32px;"> - Mais enfin ma Sœur! </span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;">Vous m'aviez dit que cette bouteille était pour soigner la constipation de la mère supérieure !</span><span style="line-height: 19.32px;"> </span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;"> - Mais c'est la vérité !</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;"> Vous verrez, ça va vraiment la faire chier de me voir dans cet état !</span></div>
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Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-42782015843226342862015-11-05T21:36:00.000+01:002015-11-22T02:09:30.440+01:00Le chien qui parle<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vHlfVHLITfQ/Vju9SAojpgI/AAAAAAAAanU/SdOKLpOsODc/s1600/cchien.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vHlfVHLITfQ/Vju9SAojpgI/AAAAAAAAanU/SdOKLpOsODc/s1600/cchien.jpg" /></a></div>
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Un monsieur, marié, possède un chien dont il est absolument fou.</div>
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Un jour, il voit dans le journal qu'à Paris on procède à une opération qui permet aux chiens de parler. Ça coûte 5 000 Euros...!<br />
Il regarde son fils et lui dit, tu pars à Paris avec le chien...!<br />
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> Son fils, très heureux, part avec le chien et 5 000 Euros en poche....</div>
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> Rapidement, le jeune dépense tout l'argent et se demande, tout à coup, comment affronter son père pour lui annoncer que le chien n'a pas été opéré et qu'il n'a plus un sou en poche...<br />
> Il déjeune tranquillement dans un petit resto tout en réfléchissant... Peut-être est-il mieux de ne pas rentrer à la maison...?? Il hésite...!</div>
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> Après réflexion, il prend le téléphone et appelle son père...! --Voilà 4 jours que je n'ai pas eu de tes nouvelles ! s'exclame celui-ci.</div>
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> Et le chien...??</div>
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> Ha ! Le chien va très très bien...! J'ai essayé de téléphoner, mais c'était toujours occupé, il devait y avoir un problème avec le téléphone.</div>
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> Et le chien, il parle...??</div>
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> Il n'arrête plus ! Il parle, Il parle... Au fait, est-ce que tu couches toujours avec ta secrétaire...??<br />
> Qui t'a dit cela...??</div>
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> Mais le chien...!</div>
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> Fais-le piquer et rentre à la maison tout de suite...!!!</div>
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Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-8221770489945312692015-11-01T21:27:00.000+01:002015-11-22T02:09:54.928+01:00 L’examen de mécanique.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs9M2rU7xgI1CXIsuC4JjPZdXy_b-HwYCa85oVc6QpVX_wB6ybxqkd6zSI7Ej-mQZGP62AiBPqqYaaFVdYm8FvPsPKWR5OA0vEx3jGeE3_Tc4eXrK4gKSbcb13wthycW3OdiGxZzUmRDxR/s1600/amphi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs9M2rU7xgI1CXIsuC4JjPZdXy_b-HwYCa85oVc6QpVX_wB6ybxqkd6zSI7Ej-mQZGP62AiBPqqYaaFVdYm8FvPsPKWR5OA0vEx3jGeE3_Tc4eXrK4gKSbcb13wthycW3OdiGxZzUmRDxR/s1600/amphi.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px; text-align: left;">Une jeune professeur d’université rappelle à son Amphi </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px; text-align: left;">que le lendemain aura lieu l’examen de mécanique.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px; text-align: left;">Elle précise à ses étudiants qu’aucune absence ne pourra être tolérée sans motif sérieux,</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px; text-align: left;"> du type accident, grave maladie ou décès d’un proche…</span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px; text-align: left;">Au fond de l’auditoire , André, un jeune rigolo, demande alors :</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px; text-align: left;">– Et en cas de très grande fatigue pour activité sexuelle débordante ?</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #141823; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px; text-align: left;"><br />Tout l’auditoire éclate de rire.<br />Quand le silence est enfin rétabli, le professeur sourit à l’étudiant et lui répond doucement :<br />– Vous écrirez avec l’autre main…!!!!</span><br />
<br />Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-62704793398084093442015-11-01T20:18:00.001+01:002015-11-22T02:10:27.926+01:00Soit je te mords, soit je t'enfile !<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-R7bXrRY5tUI/VjZlE1Z8b8I/AAAAAAAAaRQ/jG5tvDPhkUY/s1600/vampire.jpe" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-R7bXrRY5tUI/VjZlE1Z8b8I/AAAAAAAAaRQ/jG5tvDPhkUY/s1600/vampire.jpe" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px;">Par un soir de pleine lune, un homme traverse un bois pour rentrer chez lui.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px;"><span style="line-height: 19.32px;">Au beau milieu du trajet, il tombe nez à nez avec un vampire qui lui dit d'une voix sinistre:</span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;"> "T'as de la chance, ce soir, je suis de bonne humeur...</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;"> Je vais te laisser choisir.</span><span style="line-height: 19.32px;"> </span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;">Soit je te mords,</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;"> soit</span><span style="line-height: 19.32px;"> </span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;">je t'enfile !"</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;">Le type opte pour la seconde proposition. </span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;">Mais, au bout d'un moment, le vampire finit par s'énerver et lance :</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;"> "Tu pourrais y mettre un peu du tien !"</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;">Le type répond: "Ben oui, mais mets toi à ma place, je ne suis pas un pédé !"</span><span style="line-height: 19.32px;"> </span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;">Et l'autre : "Pourquoi, tu crois vraiment</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;">Que je suis un vampire !</span></div>
</span>Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-77290158686966367922015-09-02T19:47:00.000+02:002015-09-02T19:49:38.471+02:00DÉSASTRE AÉRIEN<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="font-family: arial; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22.7199993133545px; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<strong style="line-height: 22.7199993133545px;"><span style="background-color: red; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 27pt; line-height: 51.1199989318848px;">Des images difficiles à regarder. Cela vous démontre le danger d'assister à ces événements publics.</span></strong><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 27pt; line-height: 51.1199989318848px;"><br style="line-height: 51.1199989318848px;" /></span><strong style="background-color: white; line-height: 22.7199993133545px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 27pt; line-height: 51.1199989318848px;"><span style="color: white;">Des images difficiles à regarder. Cela vous démontre le danger d'assister à ces événements publics.</span></span></strong><b style="background-color: white; line-height: 22.7199993133545px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 27pt; line-height: 51.1199989318848px;"><br style="line-height: 51.1199989318848px;" /><strong style="line-height: 51.1199989318848px;"><span style="line-height: 51.1199989318848px;"> </span></strong><br style="line-height: 51.1199989318848px;" /><strong style="line-height: 51.1199989318848px;"><span style="line-height: 51.1199989318848px;">Surprenante photo montrant tout en détail.</span></strong></span></b></div>
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<b style="line-height: 22.7199993133545px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 22.7199993133545px;"><br style="line-height: 22.7199993133545px;" /></span></b><strong style="line-height: 22.7199993133545px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 27pt; line-height: 51.1199989318848px;">Le pilote a effectivement perdu le contrôle de son appareil à très basse altitude. </span></strong><b style="line-height: 22.7199993133545px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 27pt; line-height: 51.1199989318848px;"><br style="line-height: 51.1199989318848px;" /></span></b><strong style="line-height: 22.7199993133545px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 27pt; line-height: 51.1199989318848px;">La foule de spectateurs est évitée de justesse mais pas les quatre édifices.</span></strong><strong style="line-height: 22.7199993133545px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 18.9333324432373px;"> </span></strong></div>
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<b style="line-height: 22.7199993133545px;"><br style="line-height: 22.7199993133545px;" /></b><strong style="line-height: 22.7199993133545px;"><u style="line-height: 22.7199993133545px;"><span style="color: maroon; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 27pt; line-height: 51.1199989318848px;">On peut seulement imaginer l'horreur subie par les occupants à l'intérieur des édifices.</span></u></strong><b style="line-height: 22.7199993133545px;"><u style="line-height: 22.7199993133545px;"><span style="color: maroon; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 27pt; line-height: 51.1199989318848px;"><br style="line-height: 51.1199989318848px;" /></span></u></b><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 20.8266677856445px;"> <br style="line-height: 20.8266677856445px;" /> <br style="line-height: 20.8266677856445px;" /> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 20.8266677856445px;"> <br style="line-height: 20.8266677856445px;" /> </span><strong style="line-height: 22.7199993133545px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 27pt; line-height: 51.1199989318848px;">Personne n'a perdu la vie, </span></strong><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 20.8266677856445px;"> </span><strong style="line-height: 22.7199993133545px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 27pt; line-height: 51.1199989318848px;">... mais ils ont probablement eu une journée de merde.</span></strong><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 20.8266677856445px;"> </span></div>
Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-69653377282706354262015-08-17T21:40:00.001+02:002015-08-17T21:42:23.857+02:00Le problème du lundi: seuls 10% des élèves en mathématique en humanité ont réussi à le résoudre<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, FreeSans, Helvetica, 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 18.9188995361328px; text-align: justify;"><b><span style="color: magenta;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, FreeSans, Helvetica, 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 18.9188995361328px; text-align: justify;"><b><span style="color: magenta;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
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<b style="font-family: Arial, FreeSans, Helvetica, 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 18.9188995361328px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: magenta;">Pour bien commencer la semaine, </span></b><br />
<b style="font-family: Arial, FreeSans, Helvetica, 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 18.9188995361328px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: magenta;">et se refaire petit à petit à l’idée que </span></b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, FreeSans, Helvetica, 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 18.9188995361328px; text-align: justify;"><b><span style="color: magenta;">la </span></b></span><b style="font-family: Arial, FreeSans, Helvetica, 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 18.9188995361328px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: magenta;">rentrée approche,</span></b></div>
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<b style="font-family: Arial, FreeSans, Helvetica, 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 18.9188995361328px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: magenta;"> voici un problème que seulement 10% des élèves en mathématique ont réussi à résoudre.</span></b></div>
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<b style="font-family: Arial, FreeSans, Helvetica, 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 18.9188995361328px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: magenta;"> Ce problème a été durant toute une période été une des questions d’un examen en humanité.</span></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, FreeSans, Helvetica, 'Trebuchet MS', Tahoma, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 18.9188995361328px; text-align: justify;"><b><span style="color: magenta;"> Pas évident.</span></b></span></div>
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L’énoncé est pourtant simple. Une corde a été tendue symétriquement autour d’un tuyau. Cette corde fait 4 fois le tour du cylindre. La circonférence de ce dernier est de 4 cm alors que sa taille est de 12 cm.<br />
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La question est la suivante: quelle est la taille de la corde ?<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SjwwIlMw7b8/VdI4RjkaXoI/AAAAAAAAWqY/C9v8N7GVDbo/s1600/1..jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SjwwIlMw7b8/VdI4RjkaXoI/AAAAAAAAWqY/C9v8N7GVDbo/s320/1..jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Réponse : la corde est longue de 20 centimètres. Pour calculer cela, il faut faire de ce cylindre 3D un élément en 2 dimensions, et donc le « dérouler ». Vous obtenez alors le problème suivant.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MzLpoxxav7w/VdI4F1kMs-I/AAAAAAAAWqQ/LHWud7RqO_k/s1600/1...jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="170" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MzLpoxxav7w/VdI4F1kMs-I/AAAAAAAAWqQ/LHWud7RqO_k/s400/1...jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Reste ensuite à suivre le théorème de Pythagore a²+b²=c².<br />
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4²+3²=25<br />
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c=√25=5<br />
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Enfin, en additionnant les bouts de cordes a, b, c et d, on obtient 5+5+5+5= 20 cm.<br />
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Simple comme bonjour… Ou presque.Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-29885854740850821102015-02-14T13:57:00.000+01:002015-02-14T13:57:49.226+01:00Météorologie.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nqSqlWhCRqs/VN9FIgS39WI/AAAAAAAATmQ/vwSfEUNseAE/s1600/ane..jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nqSqlWhCRqs/VN9FIgS39WI/AAAAAAAATmQ/vwSfEUNseAE/s1600/ane..jpg" height="400" width="346" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WbHymqG1Ok4/VN9Cq57PpDI/AAAAAAAATmE/zX1Vf2O6EXc/s1600/bn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WbHymqG1Ok4/VN9Cq57PpDI/AAAAAAAATmE/zX1Vf2O6EXc/s1600/bn.jpg" height="120" width="400" /></a></div>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<strong style="line-height: 19.8799991607666px;"><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">Il était une fois un roi qui voulait aller à la pêche.</span></strong></div>
<div class="ecxtext_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #141823; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: 19px;">
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<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">Il appelle son météorologue et lui demande l'évolution pour les heures suivantes.</span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.8799991607666px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;"></span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.8799991607666px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">Celui ci le rassure en lui affirmant qu'il pouvait aller. Le roi va tranquillement à la pêche car pas de pluie prévue.</span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.8799991607666px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">Pour complaire à la reine il met ses plus beaux atours.</span></strong></div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;"></span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.8799991607666px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">Sur le chemin, il rencontre un paysan monté sur son âne qui en voyant le roi dit:</span></strong></div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;"></span></strong></div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">«Seigneur mieux vaut que vous rebroussiez chemin car il va beaucoup pleuvoir dans peu de temps."</span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.8799991607666px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">Bien sûr, le roi continue en pensant : «Comment ce gueux peut-il mieux prévoir le temps que mon spécialiste diplômé</span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.8799991607666px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">grassement payé qui m'a indiqué le contraire.</span></strong></div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">Poursuivons...... " Et c'est ce qu'il fait ... mais il se met bientôt à pleuvoir à torrents.</span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.8799991607666px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">Le roi rentre trempé, la reine se moque de le voir dans un si piteux état.</span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.8799991607666px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;"></span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.8799991607666px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">Furieux, le roi revient au palais et congédie illico son météorologue, puis il convoque le paysan lui offrant le poste vacant.......</span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.8799991607666px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;"></span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.8799991607666px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">Mais le paysan refuse en ces termes : "Seigneur, je ne suis pas celui qui comprend quelque chose dans ces affaires de météo et de climat, mais je sais que si les oreilles de mon âne sont baissées cela signifie qu'il va pleuvoir" .</span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.8799991607666px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;"></span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.8799991607666px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;"></span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.8799991607666px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">Et le roi embauche l'âne.. .</span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.8799991607666px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">C'est ainsi que commença en FRANCE la coutume de recruter des ânes pour les postes de conseillers les mieux payés.</span></strong></div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;"></span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.8799991607666px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">C'est depuis ce moment, que fut décidé de créer une école : l'E.N.A. (l'Ecole Nationale des Anes) et ses diplomés,</span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.8799991607666px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">dont nous pouvons mesurer, tous les jours, les brillantes compétences !!!</span></strong></div>
</div>
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<br />Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-2167953824362046882015-02-12T11:25:00.004+01:002015-02-12T11:27:52.646+01:00LA REVANCHE DE LA PIPE<b style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17.3333339691162px; text-align: center;"> <span style="color: magenta;">Une fille et son copain vont dans un bar.</span></b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRxzk_4CT6HgT4_ufS_VsJDAqsuAZ0FugaB8RuwyMmcfog9u8RWnH-8cAJZNHzmDbNWldiNzOVEbocPpt_YbbKt4e7UANA8sHVdp6Fc8GqZXwl-6SRrf-g__c3I7RWWCiAMSxoUBgtG32N/s1600/pipp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRxzk_4CT6HgT4_ufS_VsJDAqsuAZ0FugaB8RuwyMmcfog9u8RWnH-8cAJZNHzmDbNWldiNzOVEbocPpt_YbbKt4e7UANA8sHVdp6Fc8GqZXwl-6SRrf-g__c3I7RWWCiAMSxoUBgtG32N/s1600/pipp.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b style="background-color: #e8e8e8; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<b style="background-color: #e8e8e8; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Quand c'est au tour de la fille de commander une tournée,</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="background-color: #e8e8e8; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> elle dit a son mec qu'elle a pris la veille un tout nouveau drink merveilleux et qu'il doit l'essayer.</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="background-color: #e8e8e8; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> Elle commande pour elle-même sa bière habituelle et pour son copain deux verres, le premier c</span></b><b style="background-color: #e8e8e8; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">ontenant une mesure de crème de BAILEY'S et le second une mesure de jus de citron.</span></b></div>
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<b style="background-color: #e8e8e8; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></b></div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;">Elle lui donne les instructions suivantes :</span></div>
<span style="font-size: medium;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;">OK. Tu dois boire le BAILEY'S et le garder dans ta bouche.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: medium;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
Puis après tu bois le jus de citron et tu essaies de garder le tout le plus longtemps possible dans ta bouche.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Le mec est sceptique, mais comme elle est très enthousiaste, il décide d'essayer.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Premièrement le BAILEY'S :</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
une agréable impression de chaleur, de douceur, texture crémeuse et une bonne impression en bouche. </div>
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Ensuite le jus de citron :</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Instant T + 0.1 seconde : la crème de BAILEY caille.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Instant T + 0.3 seconde : la figure du garçon tourne de la couleur du jus de citron.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Instant T + 0.6 seconde : le garçon hesite entre vomir ou avaler la solution. Il decide d'avaler.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Instant T + 1.5 seconde : Elle lui dit doucement a l'oreille " çà s'appelle : </div>
</span><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: purple; font-size: medium;"> LA REVANCHE DE LA PIPE </span></div>
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Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-23901955185242090442015-01-30T00:01:00.000+01:002015-01-30T18:15:49.231+01:0030 détournements de « Martine »<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Ce 30 janvier , c'est la Saint Martine...</div>
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voici donc 30 détournements de la célèbre bande dessinée...</div>
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BONNE FETE AUX MARTINE </div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; line-height: normal;"><br style="line-height: 20.82666778564453px;" /> </span><span style="color: #060000; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 24pt; line-height: 45.439998626708984px;">Une fille s’adresse à son père :<br /> </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #060000; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 24pt; line-height: 45.439998626708984px;">-Papa, il faut que je dise que je suis amoureuse.</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;"><br /> </span></span><span style="color: #060000; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 24pt; line-height: 45.439998626708984px;">Avec Sébastien, nous nous sommes rencontrés sur Meetic, puis sommes devenus amis sur Facebook.<br /> </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #060000; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 24pt; line-height: 45.439998626708984px;">Nous avons eu des discussions sur WhatsApp et il m’a fait sa déclaration sur Skype.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #060000; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 24pt; line-height: 45.439998626708984px;"><img align="absMiddle" border="0" id="ecxINCREDIINSERTIMAGE" src="https://dub115.afx.ms/att/GetInline.aspx?messageid=022d7929-f313-11e3-9ae7-00215ad6a63e&attindex=1&cp=-1&attdepth=1&imgsrc=cid:09598B28-2329-4D9E-898A-1F0804DA5078&cid=c67de15141920999&shared=1&hm__login=jeje2h&hm__domain=live.be&ip=10.211.92.8&d=d3237&mf=0&hm__ts=Sat%2c%2014%20Jun%202014%2016:07:14%20GMT&st=jeje2h%25live.be%407&hm__ha=01_a604db74d83be43742b3491fb2a934a6304059d95b9b7fa11c8bf88ebc8edd86&oneredir=1" /><br /> </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #060000; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 24pt; line-height: 45.439998626708984px;">Et maintenant, j’ai besoin de ta bénédiction.<br /> </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #060000; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: 24pt; line-height: 45.439998626708984px;">-Ma chérie, un conseil : mariez-vous sur Twitter, achetez vos enfants sur eBay, recevez-les sur Gmail et, après quelques années, si tu es fatiguée de ton mari, mets-le sur le Bon Coin....</span></span></span></span></div>
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Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-37488967040911369332014-05-27T14:29:00.000+02:002014-05-27T14:29:19.028+02:00L' hôtesse de l'air<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.31999969482422px;">Dans un avion ayant atteint son altitude de croisière, le commandant de bord branche le micro et annonce aux passagers :</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.31999969482422px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.31999969482422px;">"Mesdames et messieurs, nous avons atteint notre altitude de croisière qui est de 12000 m d'altitude. La température extérieure est de -60 degrés, et notre vitesse est de Mach1"</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.31999969482422px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.31999969482422px;">Puis, malencontreusement, il oublie de déconnecter le micro, et dit au copilote : "Continue tout seul à piloter l'engin. Moi, je vais aller pisser un coup, et après je vais me saute</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #141823; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.31999969482422px;">r la petite hôtesse qui vient d'arriver dans notre compagnie..."<br />Rouge de confusion, l'hôtesse ayant entendu le commandant depuis la cabine du fond, remonte le couloir de l'avion pour aller avertir le commandant de la grosse bourde. Puis, en plein milieu de la carlingue, une vieille dame arrête notre hôtesse et lui dit :<br />"Doucement, vous avez le temps ma petite, il a dit qu'il allait d'abord aux toilettes !"</span>Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-91739883931753630912014-05-27T12:37:00.001+02:002014-05-27T12:37:11.194+02:00Un voyage en avion.<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="ecxMsoNormalTable" style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22.719999313354492px; width: 100%px;"><tbody>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;">Un Boeing 747 décolle de l'aéroport de Zaventem direction New-York..<br /> </span></b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;"> <b>Après avoir atteint son altitude de croisière,</b></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;">le Commandant s'adresse aux passagers via l'interphone :</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;"><br /> <b>Mesdames et messieurs, c'est le commandant de bord qui vous parle :</b></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;">la météo est excellente et nous prévoyons un vol sans incident.</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;">Nous devrions atterrir à l'Aéroport de New-York à 18h35.</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;">Après le film, je vous conseille de vous détendre et...</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;">Oh non ! Mon Dieu !</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;">On entend un bruit sec et puis plus rien !</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;">Silence de mort dans l'avion !</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;">Les passagers se regardent !</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 26.506664276123047px;"><br /> </span><b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;">Personne ne bouge !</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 26.506664276123047px;"></span><img class="ecxrg_i" data-src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRLjrWoMQ2TirIBmc_GJOEb9no5e3cI_GTSzFhjLIJoj0MjOO0n" data-sz="f" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRLjrWoMQ2TirIBmc_GJOEb9no5e3cI_GTSzFhjLIJoj0MjOO0n" style="height: 190px; margin-left: -12px; margin-right: -6px; margin-top: 0px; width: 254px;" /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;"><br /> <b>L'avion maintient pourtant son cap et son altitude, mais...</b></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;">Les hôtesses sourient nerveusement...... Mauvais signe .......</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;">Après quatre minutes, le Commandant revient au micro <br /> </span></b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;"> <br /> <img class="ecxrg_i" data-src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRLjrWoMQ2TirIBmc_GJOEb9no5e3cI_GTSzFhjLIJoj0MjOO0n" data-sz="f" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRLjrWoMQ2TirIBmc_GJOEb9no5e3cI_GTSzFhjLIJoj0MjOO0n" style="height: 190px; margin-left: -12px; margin-right: -6px; margin-top: 0px; width: 254px;" /> </span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 26.506664276123047px;"></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;"> <b>Je tiens à m'excuser pour l'incident de tout à l'heure,</b></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;">mais on a renversé du café brûlant sur moi !</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 24.61333465576172px;">Vous devriez voir le devant de mon pantalon !</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 24pt; line-height: 45.439998626708984px;">"C'est rien"</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 24pt; line-height: 45.439998626708984px;">crie un passager</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: red; font-size: 36pt; line-height: 68.15999603271484px;">Si tu voyais l'arrière du mien !</span></b></div>
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Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4665202986489519463.post-85900403242640823112014-05-21T21:37:00.002+02:002014-05-21T21:37:21.550+02:00Suite au scandal des #TER trop larges, l'ingénieur en chef de la #SNCF décide de partir en vacances <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wHaR3eRg4w0/U30AWRlFXpI/AAAAAAAAMEc/kfEr9iQZ4Tc/s1600/Suite+au+scandal+des+%23TER+trop+larges,+l'ing%C3%A9nieur+en+chef+de+la+%23SNCF+d%C3%A9cide+de+partir+en+vacances.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wHaR3eRg4w0/U30AWRlFXpI/AAAAAAAAMEc/kfEr9iQZ4Tc/s1600/Suite+au+scandal+des+%23TER+trop+larges,+l'ing%C3%A9nieur+en+chef+de+la+%23SNCF+d%C3%A9cide+de+partir+en+vacances.jpg" height="246" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Com'inhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08424708080946064134noreply@blogger.com0